Saturday, May 24, 2014

The Grit of Life~Lessons Learned

I was driving the other day after just leaving the house hearing my boys (16 and 18) arguing about who put gas in the car last, who drives more than the other, and what they're going to do about it.  It was a bit heated and as the mom, hard to listen to because their relationship is an important one and always will be in their lives.  But, my thoughts turned to how important it is to allow our children to live through the gritty moments of life-the difficult times-the uncomfortable times-because they provide such opportunity for figuring things out, learning to show grace and build confidence because they are working hard to make a way for themselves.  When my 2nd son started driving we knew the boys would be sharing a car and believe me, I was a bit nervous as to how that would work out.  But, it's been better than I expected and they have had to figure out a lot through sharing a car. They're both busy-they have social lives, love to fish, play baseball, golf, jobs etc.  They have to take turns-they have to make decisions-they have to give in-they have to be on a schedule if one needs the car at a certain time etc.  This small situation in both of their lives is an ongoing opportunity to resolve conflict, build their relationship and mature through some of the tough stuff life has to offer.

What I'm finding a lot with some of our young families is that parents want to protect their children from being uncomfortable, sad, or going without something. This can very dangerous.  We know from being in the classroom everyday that kids are adaptable, can make decisions, can think critically about situations, ask great questions, can process through challenging processes, love one another, show grace, and can solve conflict and are ok if they are disappointed or sad for a brief time.  Bouncing back, living through difficult things, then realizing it's ok, is a huge life skill.  As our kids grow up, we can not keep them from the ick side of life. We can not keep them from having their feelings hurt, not having a turn, not being invited, being sick, etc.  What we can do is believe in them-always, no matter what-believe in them for who they are and believe they can!  Our messages we send subtly with how we interact with our kiddos can be very powerful.  Jumping in each time things get tough sends a message of 'You need my help to get through this'.  I'm here to tell you, they really don't.  Certainly, we, as parents, are guiding, supporting, loving along the way as well as taking opportunities to talk/share, but we have to give kids the space/time breathing room to act on their own in their own lives.  What does this look like for preschoolers?  Well, giving children freedom to be part of the process when choosing meals, clothing, activities for the day etc.  Don't second guess their decisions-don't ask them several times 'are you sure?', quietly allow them to choose, then observe.  You will be so amazed at what you see.  In the classroom, we get to see this play out everyday and it's astonishing to us what we see-amazing really!  For example, it's 45 degrees and your child chooses not to take a jacket into school . Allow that decision to play out.  They are learning what 45 degrees is-us telling them it's 'cold' or 'chilly' is too abstract. They need to experience the outcome of their decision-this would be considered a natural consequence. The outcome might be they will get cold.  Or, maybe they won't-kids are little hot boxes and don't feel temperature in the same way we do. Ultimately, we want kids to know how to read their own bodies not only when dressing themselves, but also eating.  We shouldn't be afraid!  They are wired to do this-Maria Montessori says children are constructing themselves-they are learning about themselves and they are pretty darn good at it, if we can step aside a bit and allow them some space.

Going to the bathroom is another example where parents can just listen for their child's clues.  Asking a child constantly if they have to go to the bathroom can be frustrating.  Again, the message we send is 'you need our reminding to listen to your body'.  There's nothing wrong with occasionally reminding-particularly in the beginning of potty training, but be careful about over doing it.  Too many words lead to no message being heard at all.  Please don't force your child to use the bathroom-if you ask, they say no, leave it at that.  It's ok if you aren't going to be near a bathroom or you're traveling a long distance. If they say no, they can probably wait.  And, if not, they may have an accident and that's ok too.  There's a lot of room for grace-understanding and patience when it comes to children learning.  They are IN process-they don't have it figured out (and, frankly neither to do we :)).

Be mindful of when you move in and disrupt an opportunity for your child to express themselves or make a decision.  Don't be afraid of what they may want to do.  Talk to them about what they're thinking-what their plan is etc.  They have some pretty creative thoughts and ideas-let them practice at home while they're under your care and they will amaze you!  Also, try not to overact when things don't go well, or when feelings are hurt.  Showing compassion and empathy is wonderful, but trying to make it go away or fix it quickly is not necessary.

Friday, March 21, 2014

To Do or Not To Do...Kindergarten planners/notebooks

There is a lot of discussion around Kindergarten expectations these days.  Unfortunately, with the main focus on performance, testing, and standards, many are completely ignoring the most important thing and that is what is developmentally appropriate, what does brain development say about children and learning and what exactly do children NEED to learn and who decides WHEN they learn it.  Competing with other countries and preparing for the job market are not two reasons that are any more important than the above mentioned. 

I honestly think about  my school, the students, Montessori philosophy and education soooo much.  My love for children and how they learn is so much a part of who I am.  I love to discuss it, chew on and challenge myself to think deeply about decisions we make at Community Montessori.

One item of interest for us has been the idea of Kindergarten notebooks/planners/contracts/work plans.  When I worked at another Montessori school, the Kindergartners had notebooks which held assignments in them put in primarily by the teacher. There can be many 'rules' around these types of things, but often times, the students 'have' to finish their notebook work before choosing other work, or teachers have to 'check' their work, or if they don't finish their notebooks, they have carry the work over the next day.  Since opening my school, we've experimented with some variations of the mentioned above, but each time, we struggled with logistics and management of it, mostly by the adults-we were deciding what works children were doing, they were unsure of what was in their notebooks, making it even more teacher dependent b/c we had to remind them what work they were to be doing, they weren't concentrating on much of it b/c they hadn't chosen it nor were they interested in it.   It was our chosen work for them. 

After making a few changes, observing, discussing and chewing, I had an a-ha moment.  The kindergartners, with the exception of maybe one or two students truly disliked their notebooks. They complained, grumbled, and asked to 'take a break' for their notebooks often.  I thought to myself, why are we doing this?  I believe in children, I believe in choice, I believe children direct their learning and know what they are ready for.  I believe in repetition of work, I believe in allowing children to be independent and in charge of their learning. The notebooks/planners worked against all of this.  So, after consulting a dear Montessori mentor, who suggested just sitting down with the Kindergartners and chatting, I did so.  I wish I had a video running during the conversation...first, Kindergartners are a blast to hang out with and chat with, but second, I told them that the teachers noticed that they didn't really enjoy their notebooks.  If you could have felt the room, many of them took a deep sigh and started saying things like this:  'I hate my notebook', "My notebook is so boring', 'My notebook makes me so tired', 'My notebook is too hard'......Wow-that was all I needed to hear.  So, we talked about not doing them and we also talked about the many areas of the classroom and the importance of choosing from different areas throughout their day.  They were so articulate about their desire and took seriously expressing their work and how they spend their days.  

So, the experiment me, the teachers were cringing a bit at the beginning (me included!)...we were wondering how much art we could tolerate if it wasn't balanced with some other areas...we wondered how much socializing we could stand while they adjusted to their new found freedom w/o their notebooks. We wondered, will they ever choose works we consistently wrote in their notebooks, works they were showing aversion to b/c we were clearly placing more importance on some works than others?? The truth was, we needed to allow time to pass to allow them to 'live' in this new system.  Kinks needed to be worked out and they needed to learn to TRUST that we were really trusting them.  And, the teachers needed to really walk out our trust for them. 

It's been several weeks now and I can say, I am thrilled and feel very comfortable with the K's and their work choices.  Certainly, they continue to work with teachers and are being shown new individualized lessons, but their work cycles have been so fascinating to watch.  We realize that this change will result in many things that will not even be apparent to us right away, but what I have noticed thus far is wonderful:  Most of the kids, most of the days, are making great work choices and flowing nicely through many areas of the classroom-the K's LOVE art and LOVE practical life and these works have so much to offer them-order, independence, concentration, coordination-they are following sequential processes and developing longer attention spans.  While they clean, they are caring for their environment, while tending to important details.  I have also noticed that even w/o direct work with certain math/language materials, those skills are developing-wow!  Montessorians know how interwoven the Montessori environment is-one work in this area helps support development in another-it's truly magical and unreal to observe.  Also, children get a lot out of being around certain work, not necessarily choosing it-we know that if a child is doing an art work or Geography work while listening to a lesson with the 'magic e', they are also getting that lesson on some level.

So thankful that the teachers at CMS had the courage to take this step and watch it unfold.  

Each day that passes, We feel more comfortable allowing the K's to live w/o their notebooks.  We are excited to continue to observe and see what other things we can learn from these incredibly gifted little people.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

How Parents Can Support Their Montessori Child

Parents often ask what they can do to support their child as they spend time in the Montessori environment.  They want to do know, what can we do at home to help what is happening in the classroom?

We love this question because there is a lot parents can do to help support their child's development:

1.  Follow their lead as much as you can.  Maria Montessori said, 'Never help a child with a task they can do themselves'.  This may mean adjusting your schedule to allow more time to let them get dressed by themselves, get some of their own meal, or clean up any messes they have made.  Think about this in very basic terms:  if your child is 3 and attending school, they probably are able to do much more independently than you realize.

2.  Set up areas in your home where your child can do things independently-shelves with things they use often (art supplies, books, games/works etc).  Place cups/bowls/pitchers in a place where children can access them to get their own snacks/drinks.  Place hooks in places in your house where you could like them to place things so they can have a routine of hanging their coat/backpack/tote bags etc in a place when they return home. Then, when they get ready to go, they will know where those things are.

3.  Pictures can be very helpful with routine.  Take pictures of your morning/evening routines-place pictures in a basket. When it's time to start the routine, your child can complete each picture (brushing teeth, eating breakfast etc), then place the picture in another basket when they have completed it-this is concrete way for them to know what needs to be done.  This can help eliminate all the reminders. Remember too that it can take awhile to get used to using the pics, but when they do, they should be able to be independent with their routines.

4.  Don't overplay their school experience, meaning, allow them to enjoy their time at school and talk about what they do there without too many questions. There's certainly nothing wrong with asking how their day was or asking about a work they did, but resist the urge to talk a lot about school or ask too many questions about how they are spending their time. Most likely, they will share with you on their own when given time/space to do so.  Also, please don't tell your children to do specific works when they are at school.  This can disrupt what their own choices are when they get to school.  We sometimes have kids come to school saying 'my mom/dad want me to choose this work....' or my mom/dad said I need to choose a language work today'.....their time in the classroom is theirs.  It's important that we (adults) don't emphasize some works as more important than others. Every work in the classroom is important, particularly if a child is choosing it.  Something from each work is calling a child to it-we will never know all that is happening in a child when they choose a work.  Teachers work hard to protect their choice while also giving lessons and even directing children to areas/works. But, this is done in the context of lots of observation of the children-seeing what their needs are as well as giving them support when needed.

5.  Conversation-talking/listening to you child is so critical to their communication development.  In the classroom, we ask the children to be next to our body when talking, we remind them to make eye contact and we do our best to talk to them in this way as well.  When we bring two children together during a conflict, we emphasize taking turns talking-each child will be listened to, but they need to talk one at a time.  We also help them figure out the words to describe how they're feeling or what they are asking.  Children have very advanced thoughts/emotions, but many times don't have the words to express appropriately.  Adults/teachers can help them develop the vocabulary to help them learn to express themselves.  This takes much repetition and patience, but the fruit we see as children develop their skills is wonderful.

Hope these tips help.  Would love to hear any feedback if you have tried or are trying any of these things.  It's helpful to other parents to hear from moms/dads who are using things that are successful in their home.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014


Building independence is such an important part of what parents can nurture in their children and what we, as Montessorians, highly value in the classroom.  In the prepared environment of the classroom, it's set up to allow children to be in charge of many, many decisions as they go through their day.  Taking initiative, thinking, then finally acting is an important process that children must practice. Practicing being independent is a critical life skill as children will be making very important decisions before we know it and they must be able to discern, think critically, take perspective and finally act after they have thought through options.  In our classroom the children make many decisions throughout their day, which leads to building confidence and building independence.  As teachers, our role is so important-we have to observe and get to know each child intimately so we can best support and guide them as they develop and become who they are meant to be.  Our decision to move in or not is tender and fragile and when not respected, can halt independence and send a message to a child that we don't believe in them.  The teachers have to demonstrate self control and patience as we watch children-often times, their choices lead to consequences that aren't desirable, but are important in the learning process such as a mess, or hurt feelings, or a conflict, but that's ok.  This is where learning happens.

Children arrive at school each day and they have learned what to do:  they organize their items they bring to school (backpacks, coats, snow gear, lunch etc).  They watch as other children organize, they get reminders from teachers and are shown how to do it, they work very hard making decisions as to how things can fit on their hook.  They check their folder to see if they have any work from the prior day, then wash their hands.  As they enter the classroom, they greet their friends, notice any changes in the classroom and get acclimated to start their day.  After they wash their hands, they can get started on their work. Some children know exactly what they want to choose, others walk around and think about where they would like to start.  Others, may need some support from a teacher to make a choice.  As they choose work, interact with friends and ask for or join lessons, their brain is hard at work-To allow children the space (freedom) and time (freedom) to engage their brain/heart/bodies into where they are spending time is such a gift.  We want to allow them the space and time to make choices, then experience what that choice brings.  There are many built in structures/boundaries in the classroom that children learn to navigate through.  I love thinking of the many questions children must ask themselves as they work in the classroom:  what work do I want to choose?  who do I want to socialize with?  is this a rug work or table work?  is this a work that requires being done on the tile (water/paint)?  how do I do this work?  do I need a lesson?  who can ask to give me a lesson?  how can I communicate with my teachers and friends? can I find a table? what materials do I need to do this work?  The list goes on and on.....

Parents can help foster independence at home.  When engaging with your child, ask questions rather than tell or direct.  Give them opportunity to engage.  Instead of just saying something like 'clean your room'.  Take them to their room and say something like this:  'I notice you have a lot of clothes on the floor and your puzzle is still out from yesterday and I see that the legos didn't get put back in the bin'.  "What do you think we can do about this?".....Children are so creative and helpful-when we engage them in this way, they feel respected and believed in.  Give them a choice as to when they can clean it up-'Would you like to clean your room before or after dinner?'.....young children will need assistance in a big task such as cleaning a room-help them organize items into bins or on trays.  Less is definitely more-if your home is cluttered with many toys, might be a good idea to scale down a bit.  So many things can be overwhelming for parents and children.  Engage children in helping out with preparing a meal.  Young children can help set a table, help with grocery shopping and preparing food.  There are many kitchen tools that are easy for children to use.  They will love helping and may even enjoy eating the meal more if they helped prepare it.  Children can also be given freedom in what they wear-fill their closet/drawers with acceptable items, then allow them to choose-this is an area they can be creative and be independent.  Listening is a great way to learn about your child's likes and dislikes.  Giving them freedom to express themselves is very healthy and leads to them having a positive sense of self.

Have fun with your kids-would love to hear how you help your child build independence!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Connected School

One of the many passions of my heart when I opened my school was that I wanted to help create community and feel of connectedness.  I believe schools need to feed a child's spirit and be a place where they know they are loved, valued, and have a sense of purpose within the classroom community.  I believe strongly that building relationships with the children and allowing relationships to develop and grow among the students is one of the leading contributors to success in the classroom.  Unfortunately, schools are becoming machines for tasks, content, standards, and tests that individuality is being ignored and discouraged.  Children are not given opportunity to be themselves, share their strengths and interests, pursue things they want to learn.  I believe school should be just that-a place where children can be nurtured and supported, encouraged and loved.  Along with those things, they should be expected to be responsible and respectful and held accountable for their actions and work.  In Montessori classrooms all over the world, these things happen naturally.  We believe in children-we know they are capable and have a lot to offer.  We believe they can be responsible.  We listen to them-listen to their thoughts, dreams. and ideas and take them seriously.  This leads to very exciting learning!

This doesn't mean that there aren't challenges in Montessori classrooms-there certainly are.  Challenges and issues that are in the world enter the classroom. But the way they are dealt with is very different.  We approach conflict from a relational place-helping children understand how their actions and words effect those around them.  We give them words and help them express their emotions.  They don't necessarily know how to do this.  We are supportive of their development-not angry and punitive of their mistakes.  Don't get me wrong, teachers can feel frustrated, but we come back to what we believe-we believe in the goodness of the child even if the child is not showing their goodness.  We allow children to speak directly to one another and be involved in the problem solving.  The teacher doesn't have the answers-we are working together to find solutions and deal with conflicts as they arise individually.  I can't tell you how many times a child finds a solution for a problem that a teacher would not have thought about if she/he thought all day.  Children are empathetic, creative, thoughtful, caring, forgiving-we have to allow them time and space to show us and use opportunities that occur to practice these developing skills.

Sometimes, parents are shocked and disappointed when their child does something 'wrong' like hurts another child, or says something unkind, or takes something from another child.  But, these things don't mean there is something wrong with your child.  They are learning social graces and social skills while they are playing. They don't necessarily know how to ask for something or wait their turn or say things tactfully.  They are figuring it out and really need our support and guidance to help them learn.  Sometimes, parents go directly to punishment, or just telling a child what to do instead.  Sometimes, it's great to just ask questions to your child about how they're feeling or why they did something.  Often times, you will hear something you may not have thought of.  We should not assume the worst in our child or a child in the classroom when something doesn't go well.  Instead, challenge yourself to try and look at the situation through your child's eyes.  I'm not saying, they shouldn't be held accountable for their words/actions, but sometimes our tone/irritation or frustration comes through very strong which can overshadow an opportunity for learning.

Challenge yourself to observe your child/children vs inserting yourself into situations.  It is difficult to say nothing at all, but see what happens if you do.  Maybe even take notes-if you go to a park/playground observe other children and other parents and note how everyone is engaging.  It would be an interesting conversation to have if other moms/dads did this.  Let me know if you do it!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Discovering the Neurological Soundness of Montessori

The staff of  Community Montessori attended the Cincinnati Montessori Society's yearly conference a couple weekends ago.  It's always such a wonderful day full of meeting up with old friends, listening to wonderful, knowledgeable speakers and Montessorians and an opportunity to shop the vendors that offer such beautiful materials and supportive work for the classroom.

This year the keynote speaker was Dr. Dee Joy Coulter.  Dr. Coulter is a Neuroscience educator.  She applies brain research to educational issues.  She presented such a strong argument, along with research, for Montessori schools/classrooms.  I sat truly wondering why Montessori is not at the forefront of the education discussion.  What we're learning about the brain is providing incredible insight as to how children learn and what environments best suit their needs developmentally, cognitively, and otherwise.  To ignore this stunning research is letting our children down.   Not only is this brain research and it's implications being ignore, in many schools around the world, things are being done the polar opposite to what children need.

Dr. Coulter walked through many stages of brain development and what is happening at various stages.  Her notes can be found here   I won't go into all of those details, but I want to share some of what I took away.

Children need to experience learning rhythms, meaning they need to be given the freedom to choose, pace themselves and repeat activities many times to internalize information as well as build their focus, attention span, coordination and order.  Children need to be experiencing a beginning, middle and end to their activities.  For example, deciding to choose leaf polishing, taking the work off the shelf, taking the work to a table, putting on the leaf polishing necklace, getting the cotton ball wet, walking to plant and carefully polishing/cleaning the leaf, putting the dirty cotton ball in the garbage, returning to the work at the table, putting the necklace back on the tray, pushing in the chair and returning the work to the shelf.  In this work, there is a clear beginning, middle and end which brings about a feeling of accomplishment, an inner satisfaction and self confidence. 

Children need to learn how to calm themselves.  This may be things like taking a walk, reading a book, sitting outside, doing yoga, listening to music etc.  The ability to be calm and create calm is an important life skill.  Children are able to find peace and calm in the Montessori classroom-the rhythms and order of the classroom can help children develop the ability to be calm.  Montessori classrooms invite children to slow down, breathe and take time.  It's a natural part of the culture of the classroom.  Being respectful and calm in the workspace respects the work being done-it's not ok to disrupt one another when they are working-work is honored and the child working is respected and protected. 

In order to provide this space for children, teachers have to develop skills as well. Teachers ability to calm and bring peace is an important aspect.  Teachers can not be chaotic, loud, or disrespectful. Teachers need to call on children's higher nature.  Maria Montessori said, 'Look to the Child Who Has Not Yet Arrived'.....

I encourage you to read more about brain development and Montessori-it will no doubt impact you.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Who Are Our Kids and What Can They Do?

I used to be a mom to a 1 year old and 3 year old and a 5 year old and 7 year old and then a 10 year old and 12 year, today, I am a mom to a 15 year old and 18 year old......wowzee~how did that happen?  Time really does fly, life goes by so quickly....I used to always think, I can't remember my kids younger and I can't imagine them older, then, voila-here we are!  In some ways I have learned a lot being a parent, in other ways, I know nothing.  ;)

I have such a strong belief in children.  In the classroom, our view/beliefs of children are so heart felt and dictate how we are and how we function.  As a parent, it's more difficult to carry that through day to day, living out the hard stuff of parenting, the ups and downs of development, challenges, etc.  But, as I have continued on my faith journey, God has shown me so clearly how uniquely He has created my boys (and all of us!) and that He has given them such gifts and strengths and that as a parent, I want to encourage.  Unfortunately, the world has such a narrow view of people/children.  The world views children in a certain way and dictates what determines a 'good' kid over a 'bad' kid.  The world looks at behavior, grades, performance, looks, accomplishments, who they are associated with etc.  In our classroom, the belief is that every child is valued and has something to offer and brings gifts to the classroom.  We believe that, even if/when we don't see it.  The truth about our children is that they are strong, capable, resilient, flexible, creative, compassionate, helpful, bright, inclusive, insightful, patient, intuitive....need I say more?!

So, if/when these qualities are not being demonstrated (or, if a child is not yet 'normalized' as Maria Montessori says), what can we do to encourage them and how can we help a child bring those qualities to the forefront?  As a Montessorian, I believe that encouraging independence and allowing children to freely develop and become comfortable with who they are, knowing themselves and really stepping out in what interests them is the way to help these qualities develop. I have a couple of examples that may bring these things to light:

*  Try not to move in on your child too quickly when they are feeling frustrated.  In the classroom, we allow children to work through many things that they may be having difficulty doing.  Children at school are working on getting their coats etc on independently.  Allowing them to work through those challenges is giving them practice doing it themselves.  A child may work on zipping their coat for a minute or two and not be able to get it, but the work they do trying is valuable.  If we were to move in quickly and do it for them, that takes away the opportunity for them to learn how to do it themselves.  Sometimes, a child may try and then start yelling or crying or getting upset.  We encourage them to use their words. We may say, 'Let me know if you need help'.  It's amazing how they can pull it together and ask for help.  Our tendency is to move in and stop the frustrating moment or stop them from crying, but that isn't helpful to their independence.  And, the small areas of independence a child can have can actually decrease overall frustration because they are able to manage themselves in some situations.  This process is slow and happens over time as new skills are learned and mastered.  Thinking about our long terms hopes for our children can help us be strong in the small moments that are difficult.

*  Think about how you manage your time and the time you allow for your children to get ready.  Our environment at school is prepared, intentional and tended to multiple times a day to have our classroom ready to promote success and independence for the children.  At  home, you can think about how you can arrange your schedule to allow for the time needed for children to be more independent.  Are they able to reach their items to get ready?  Are their shoes/coats etc in a place where they can get them w/o help.  It would be great if those things are consistently kept in the same place and they can learn to return them to the same place.  Can you set up your kitchen in a way that children can get snacks/drinks independently?  You can place plastic wear in a drawer or on a shelf that children can access easily.

*  Listen more, talk less.  As adults, we can assume a lot about what a child wants/needs based on their behavior.  But, it can often times be inaccurate.  Allow/encourage your child to talk to you about his/her needs.  Help them figure things out by communicating with them vs moving in and doing for them based on what you think is going on.  Taking a child by the hand, walking them to another area, outside or away from the immediate situation can allow for a breath to be taken and the situation to be assessed.

*  Take emotions out-this is very difficult to do with our children. We love them so much that we are deeply emotionally connected.  But, not over reacting on either end keeps things peaceful and calm.  Our children will be sad, they will be frustrated, they will be angry.  Don't be afraid of these emotions.  Helping children develop strategies and communicate effectively during these times are important life skills.  If we swoop in and try to just 'fix' things quickly or apply a temporary band-aid, our children are not learning to manage themselves and their emotions.  If they can learn to do that, work through conflict and frustration, they are on the road to being an independent, functional adult.

Taking this road to allow your children to become more independent, confident and capable is challenging, takes patience and requires us to face some of our own 'stuff' as we deal with our children. But, I promise you, it will be the most fruitful.  We see amazing things in our classroom all the time-the children being focused, attentive, and orderly.  We see great strides in children as they learn how to do new things, communicate, and go about their day managing the processes and procedures of the classroom.  This is GOOD stuff!!  Bringing in that same philosophy to your home will no doubt bring you peace and help to build a loving, encouraging relationship with your children.