Conversation is so critically important to your child's language and social skills development. We begin talking to our children the day they are born and they are hearing us talk to them in utero. We speak to our children long before they utter their first response to our talking or before they utter their first words. The practice is in the listening and hearing. As children develop language, the back and forth among people is important for them to be experiencing each day. Everyone the child is in relationship with develops language with one another. We include the baby/toddler in conversations and invite them into our world via speaking to them. As children grow and develop, the language conversation becomes more complicated and we realize how much they understand and how much they are taking in from each conversation.
What I am witnessing over the years now that technology and phones have entered into all of our families, is that children are missing out on important conversations. Last night, we had dinner with some friends at a local restaurant. I was deeply disturbed by a family who sat near us. They sat down at their table (they had 2 boys probably ages 2 and 3) and immediately, they each gave their boys a phone. They proceeded to be on the phone throughout the entire time there. The boys had their plates above the phone so they could look straight down at the phone while they ate. I share this not out of judgment, but to call parents to consider what you are doing if you are choosing to give your children your phone to keep them quiet, appease them, or just to keep them from throwing a fit. Children are not only missing out on conversations, but also on experiences-being at a restaurant, shopping at the grocery, driving in a car and noticing what is out their window. Children need to be having real experiences of life and they are not engaged or aware if they are on a phone completely oblivious to what's happening around them. Important pathways are built through real, concrete experiences. This is not happening when kids are on phones/computers/ipads. Not only are we keeping the pathways from developing, we're actually creating situations where children have a harder time focusing and paying attention-particularly children who have a tendency to struggle with these things already.
I can only imagine how difficult it is to set limits with phones etc since they're everywhere and such a part of all adults lives. But, I am calling parents to at least consider your usage of phones, technology etc and be aware of how much time your child is spending on these items. Maybe set up a schedule that works for your family or do what one of my family's did-lose the charger! This way your child isn't in a power struggle with you-it's simply doesn't work b/c it's not charged.
Sunday, November 19, 2017
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Staying Safe and Learning Injuries
Somehow, in the last 10 years, safety has become such a buzz word and something adults pride themselves on paying attention to and something they feel is a non stop priority with children. But, I think it's important for all of us who are around children to be able to discern/distinguish between something that is truly unsafe vs. something that occurs (an accident or injury) through acquiring/developing a new skill. Furthermore, when an accident or injury happens through practice, it doesn't mean that we have to stay away from what 'hurt' us (or the child). We can always learn through things that don't go as expected, but I think we also have to be careful not to put undue limits on things just because an accident happened.
I went on a mission trip to Guatemala in April of 2016. I was moved on many levels with what I saw-extreme poverty, brokenness, and toxic stress for families and children who live in the slum area I spent time. Despite all of that, I was with a team of people who are loving on these folks, praying for them and providing an education for the sweet children. What amazed me most while we were walking the neighborhoods and praying for people is that the children were playing happily just like you would see in your own neighborhood. What the children were living around-garbage, homes made from whatever was available, broken items shocked me not because of my feelings that no child should have to live like that, but the fact they were able to keep themselves safe and were able to negotiate their surroundings. It inspired me to trust our kids more at school with more freedom of their space. What I am realizing is that we (adults/teachers/parents) view things as unsafe that actually aren't. So, rather than keeping our children from being hurt, we are bringing about anxiety and undue stress to situations. We are giving them eyes of fear and keeping them from discerning for themselves through awareness and an understanding of who they are what is safe and unsafe.
This past year, we literally took away all of our playground 'rules'. Instead, we observed and allowed the children to show us what was needed for a playground boundary. Guess what? Every rule we had (going one direction on the monkey bars, only climbing up the rope ramp, no running in the mulch area just to name a few) wasn't needed. The kids were able to work out differences and figure out what do in the moments there was a conflict or uncertainty. We typically said only 3 kids could be on the rock climbing wall, but the kids can determine if there is space for them based on who is on it at the moment. We also watched as younger children took risks based on their comfort level and their knowledge of their own limitations (NOT a rule that dictated for them)-it's AWESOME to see the kids learn about themselves, assess a situation and make decisions for themselves-as an individual. So many rules and so many fears go into the why and how we do things-particularly with children, which takes away opportunity for children to make decisions and take in information based on what they are doing for themselves. They HAVE to be able to do this when they are teenagers/adults so when they are young, they need time/space/trust to develop and practice. In a Montessori school, where teachers are trained to understand child development and to trust children as well as their innate intelligence and abilities, children are gifted time and space to develop these skills at their own pace and without the stress of an adult saying to them, 'be careful', 'don't go too far', 'don't go too high', 'stay over here where it's safe'.
I am learning to trust children more each day and what I am learning is that they have so much to show us and teach us. Adults need to step back and allow children to reveal themselves to us-in that waiting and watching, we are gifted the beauty of each child and what they are bringing to the world. I challenge all adults and parents to sit back and observe-take note and watch the unfolding. I promise you will be blessed and most likely brought to tears by the awe and wonder of children.
I went on a mission trip to Guatemala in April of 2016. I was moved on many levels with what I saw-extreme poverty, brokenness, and toxic stress for families and children who live in the slum area I spent time. Despite all of that, I was with a team of people who are loving on these folks, praying for them and providing an education for the sweet children. What amazed me most while we were walking the neighborhoods and praying for people is that the children were playing happily just like you would see in your own neighborhood. What the children were living around-garbage, homes made from whatever was available, broken items shocked me not because of my feelings that no child should have to live like that, but the fact they were able to keep themselves safe and were able to negotiate their surroundings. It inspired me to trust our kids more at school with more freedom of their space. What I am realizing is that we (adults/teachers/parents) view things as unsafe that actually aren't. So, rather than keeping our children from being hurt, we are bringing about anxiety and undue stress to situations. We are giving them eyes of fear and keeping them from discerning for themselves through awareness and an understanding of who they are what is safe and unsafe.
This past year, we literally took away all of our playground 'rules'. Instead, we observed and allowed the children to show us what was needed for a playground boundary. Guess what? Every rule we had (going one direction on the monkey bars, only climbing up the rope ramp, no running in the mulch area just to name a few) wasn't needed. The kids were able to work out differences and figure out what do in the moments there was a conflict or uncertainty. We typically said only 3 kids could be on the rock climbing wall, but the kids can determine if there is space for them based on who is on it at the moment. We also watched as younger children took risks based on their comfort level and their knowledge of their own limitations (NOT a rule that dictated for them)-it's AWESOME to see the kids learn about themselves, assess a situation and make decisions for themselves-as an individual. So many rules and so many fears go into the why and how we do things-particularly with children, which takes away opportunity for children to make decisions and take in information based on what they are doing for themselves. They HAVE to be able to do this when they are teenagers/adults so when they are young, they need time/space/trust to develop and practice. In a Montessori school, where teachers are trained to understand child development and to trust children as well as their innate intelligence and abilities, children are gifted time and space to develop these skills at their own pace and without the stress of an adult saying to them, 'be careful', 'don't go too far', 'don't go too high', 'stay over here where it's safe'.
I am learning to trust children more each day and what I am learning is that they have so much to show us and teach us. Adults need to step back and allow children to reveal themselves to us-in that waiting and watching, we are gifted the beauty of each child and what they are bringing to the world. I challenge all adults and parents to sit back and observe-take note and watch the unfolding. I promise you will be blessed and most likely brought to tears by the awe and wonder of children.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
The Prepared Environment
Our school invites the new students starting in the fall to come to a week of enrichment which is 2 hours a day/M-F. We typically offer a week in July and a week in August. Since we have started this a few years ago we usually have all or close to all new students come during this time. This year, for some reason, the prepared environment really spoke to me and I was amazed-AGAIN-at how complete/thorough/deep/rich the Montessori philosophy is. There are many values and principles of the philosophy and all works in tandem with one another. This year I will be contemplating on the Prepared Environment aspect.
In ten brief hours that the new students spend in what will be their school community for the year, transformation begins. The classroom set up, the processes, the way the teachers engage (or don't engage) with the students is simply beautiful. The space calls to the children-it's not only set up in line with their brain development, but also all the other aspects-social, cognitive, emotional and academic. Something connects with the childrens' hearts-they realize they are empowered and respected in the space and they step up to the expectations that come with being given freedom and believed in.
There are some foundations that are a part of the prepared environment.
1. Freedom: Maria Montessori believed children should be able to explore their natural impulses which leads to their understanding of the world around them. This includes freedom of movement, freedom of exploration, freedom to interact socially, and freedom from interference from others.
2. Structure and Order: While Structure and Order seem counter-intuitive to the aforementioned freedom, nothing could be further from the truth. Structure and Order in the Montessori classroom accurately reflect the sense of structure and order in the universe. By using the Montessori classroom environment as a microcosm of the universe, the child begins to internalize the order surrounding him, thus making sense of the world in which he lives. (NAMC)
3. Beauty: The Montessori classroom should be beautiful, inviting and suggest a simple harmony.
4. Nature and Reality: Maria Montessori had a strong reverence for nature-she believed that nature provided deep inspiration for children. This is why, as much as possible, real objects/items are used in the classroom-real objects, real wood, real dishes etc. Child sized furniture and tools are used to that children can complete their work without frustration.
5. Social Environment: When there is a time/space provided for social interaction, children develop compassion and empathy for one another as well as skills to resolve conflict and problem solve. The freedom children experience in the classroom to interact sociall leads to organic opportunities to engage with other children and adults and essentially practice their communication skills.
6. Intellectual Environment: If the above aspects are not recognized, the intellectual environment will not reach its purpose. The purpose of the Montessori environment is to develop the whole personality of the child, not merely his intellect. By guiding the child through the five areas of the Montessori curriculum (Practical Life, Sensorial, Language, Mathematics, and Cultural subjects), the child has the structure which is at the forefront of the creative work in a Montessori classroom.
A lot of time and effort is involved in creating a prepared Montessori classroom that is designed to meet the individual needs of all children. Through developmentally appropriate, sensorial material that moves hierarchically from simple to complex and concrete to abstract, children are given the freedom to fully develop their unique potential through a carefully prepared learning environment. (NAMC)
In ten brief hours that the new students spend in what will be their school community for the year, transformation begins. The classroom set up, the processes, the way the teachers engage (or don't engage) with the students is simply beautiful. The space calls to the children-it's not only set up in line with their brain development, but also all the other aspects-social, cognitive, emotional and academic. Something connects with the childrens' hearts-they realize they are empowered and respected in the space and they step up to the expectations that come with being given freedom and believed in.
There are some foundations that are a part of the prepared environment.
1. Freedom: Maria Montessori believed children should be able to explore their natural impulses which leads to their understanding of the world around them. This includes freedom of movement, freedom of exploration, freedom to interact socially, and freedom from interference from others.
2. Structure and Order: While Structure and Order seem counter-intuitive to the aforementioned freedom, nothing could be further from the truth. Structure and Order in the Montessori classroom accurately reflect the sense of structure and order in the universe. By using the Montessori classroom environment as a microcosm of the universe, the child begins to internalize the order surrounding him, thus making sense of the world in which he lives. (NAMC)
3. Beauty: The Montessori classroom should be beautiful, inviting and suggest a simple harmony.
4. Nature and Reality: Maria Montessori had a strong reverence for nature-she believed that nature provided deep inspiration for children. This is why, as much as possible, real objects/items are used in the classroom-real objects, real wood, real dishes etc. Child sized furniture and tools are used to that children can complete their work without frustration.
5. Social Environment: When there is a time/space provided for social interaction, children develop compassion and empathy for one another as well as skills to resolve conflict and problem solve. The freedom children experience in the classroom to interact sociall leads to organic opportunities to engage with other children and adults and essentially practice their communication skills.
6. Intellectual Environment: If the above aspects are not recognized, the intellectual environment will not reach its purpose. The purpose of the Montessori environment is to develop the whole personality of the child, not merely his intellect. By guiding the child through the five areas of the Montessori curriculum (Practical Life, Sensorial, Language, Mathematics, and Cultural subjects), the child has the structure which is at the forefront of the creative work in a Montessori classroom.
A lot of time and effort is involved in creating a prepared Montessori classroom that is designed to meet the individual needs of all children. Through developmentally appropriate, sensorial material that moves hierarchically from simple to complex and concrete to abstract, children are given the freedom to fully develop their unique potential through a carefully prepared learning environment. (NAMC)
If you are new to Community Montessori, I invite you to read more about Montessori and start to gain a new appreciation of your child and what they will be experiencing when they are at school. It's simply magical and such a joy and blessing to watch children unfold and become more of who they are.
Thursday, March 16, 2017
School Choice
There is a lot of talk about school choice in the news right now. I wanted to share my thoughts. I have been for school choice for probably for over 20 years before it was a buzz phrase, before I owned my own school and before so many were arguing for and against it. I graduated from the University of Cincinnati with an Elementary Education degree. I taught in rural West Virginia when my husband and I first married. I entered my classroom with such hope and enthusiasm, but was quickly disheartened by all that was broken. I was naive and confused. I loved my students, carried them in my heart each night when I went home and constantly tried to think of ways I could meet each child where they were with the challenges of their circumstances and the limits of the school. I had amazing mentors-older, wise, loving women who taught in classrooms near me as well as a wonderful man who was my principal that supported and loved me as I learned. A couple of memories come to mind that really shook me. One was, on days I had lunch room duty, I watched as many of my students (over 70% on free breakfast/lunch) threw away entire trays of food each day. I didn't really understand. They then would purchase ice cream everyday as well. After watching this go on for awhile, I talked with my students asking them why. They shared and we talked about how important it is to feed our brain and bodies good food and that heading into the afternoon with only ice cream doesn't support their learning, alertness, focus, not to mention nutritional needs. The waste of food bothered me, but mostly, it really wasn't good that my students weren't getting a good meal. The other thing that happened was the school I worked did a big fundraiser to purchase new playground equipment (desperately needed). In my mind, they manipulated the students by really pumping up the new things they would get to play on and encouraged them to ask family/friends for donations. The kids were very excited, so I went along. Then, at a staff meeting, there was a discussion about not using the money for playground equipment, but instead buying new desks and chairs, which were also needed. I couldn't believe my ears. I looked around to see if anyone else was looking uncomfortable. I was a new teacher, young and taking in so much, I didn't say anything. But, they decided to go ahead with the desk/chair purchase. I felt like that was so wrong-to raise money for one thing, then take it and use it for another and the adults in the room seemed to have no problem with it. To me, it was a violation of trust for the children.
Those types of systematic problems went on quite a bit. It was like no one else was noticing that some things weren't working. No one was questioning-it was just the status quo so it was habitual more than helpful.
Today, I hear from many parents struggling to get the needs of their child(ren) met. I believe that parents should have choice-whether that comes in the form of a tax credit or voucher I don't know. Many families are trapped in schools that aren't meeting their child's needs b/c of cost-their own hard earned money is going to pay taxes for schools, but when their child has needs and concerns that can't be addressed b/c the school is so overwhelmed with trying to meet the needs of all students, it's not ok. I don't see it as a de-funding of the public schools nor is this a political statement of any kind. It's a pro child-pro family statement. I see it as asking all schools to step up, think of children first, and be up front about what they can and can't do for a child. We get to choose so many things in our lives and I believe school should be one of them. If 2 restaurants are open near your home, one has food you prefer and enjoy more-if you choose that restaurant over the other that has food you don't like, it's not considered de-funding that other restaurant.
I know the challenges of education are big and complicated. I am speaking from my heart and speaking for children. We have to get serious and make tough decisions. The powers at be have to stop acting like things are going well. The first step to change is realizing what is broken. There are many, many people out there doing beautifully creative things in education and it's working! The inner cities have some beautiful examples of loving schools, empowering students and literally changing lives. The adults in this arena have to stop being offended and start thinking outside the box as well as take into account child development and the science behind learning. It's very clear what is good for children and what is not-we need to stop doing what is not good and start providing environments and schools that support the child-period.
The education of even a small child, therefore, does not aim at preparing him for school, but for life. Maria Montessori
Free the child's potential, and you will transform him into the world. Maria Montessori
Those types of systematic problems went on quite a bit. It was like no one else was noticing that some things weren't working. No one was questioning-it was just the status quo so it was habitual more than helpful.
Today, I hear from many parents struggling to get the needs of their child(ren) met. I believe that parents should have choice-whether that comes in the form of a tax credit or voucher I don't know. Many families are trapped in schools that aren't meeting their child's needs b/c of cost-their own hard earned money is going to pay taxes for schools, but when their child has needs and concerns that can't be addressed b/c the school is so overwhelmed with trying to meet the needs of all students, it's not ok. I don't see it as a de-funding of the public schools nor is this a political statement of any kind. It's a pro child-pro family statement. I see it as asking all schools to step up, think of children first, and be up front about what they can and can't do for a child. We get to choose so many things in our lives and I believe school should be one of them. If 2 restaurants are open near your home, one has food you prefer and enjoy more-if you choose that restaurant over the other that has food you don't like, it's not considered de-funding that other restaurant.
I know the challenges of education are big and complicated. I am speaking from my heart and speaking for children. We have to get serious and make tough decisions. The powers at be have to stop acting like things are going well. The first step to change is realizing what is broken. There are many, many people out there doing beautifully creative things in education and it's working! The inner cities have some beautiful examples of loving schools, empowering students and literally changing lives. The adults in this arena have to stop being offended and start thinking outside the box as well as take into account child development and the science behind learning. It's very clear what is good for children and what is not-we need to stop doing what is not good and start providing environments and schools that support the child-period.
The education of even a small child, therefore, does not aim at preparing him for school, but for life. Maria Montessori
Free the child's potential, and you will transform him into the world. Maria Montessori
Saturday, January 21, 2017
The Grocery Store Experience
I get asked quite often by parents what they can do at home to better support their child(ren) and even how to support them using more of the Montessori philosophy. That's always an easy question to answer-follow your child and their interests, be patient with them as they learn new skills and give them a lot of time and space to be part of any and all life experiences.
I was reminded last weekend of a wonderful experience that can provide such enjoyment and learning opportunities for young children. I somehow was step in step with a pregnant mama and her little girl who looked to be about 2.5 years old. She was pushing her own little cart and was enjoying her outing greatly. We were in the produce section together and the mother was talking with her and letting her know some of the fruit they needed at home. What the little girl could reach, she helped with and she knew exactly what she wanted in her cart. Her mother was so patient and allowed her a lot of freedom with her cart, which the little girl did well with.
We were standing in the deli together and little girl talked to the worker behind the counter and asked her for her favorite cheese-the worker gave her a slice to eat right away! The little girl asked a lot of questions and was fully engaged in what was happening.
I ran into them a few other times in the store and I loved observing her doing the 'grocery shopping work'. It inspired me so much that I decided to write about it.
In this age of getting things done quickly, let's not forget how important concrete experiences are for young children. Children ages 0-3 are taking in so much of their world through their senses, so allowing them to be part of life is helpful to their development. Children ages 3-6 are refining their senses, developing their language and communication skills at a rapid rate and LOVE being part of what the rest of the world is doing. Simple tasks such as going to the grocery store can be such a fun experience for little ones-if you're not used to shopping with your child(ren) choose a time that isn't crowded so you can set you and your child up for success, allowing for some extra time for their processing. Of course, there will be times when you can allow them to be more engaged than others, but keeping in mind opportunities when they can be more involved is a great way to expand their experiences and their connection with you as well.
Happy Shopping!
I was reminded last weekend of a wonderful experience that can provide such enjoyment and learning opportunities for young children. I somehow was step in step with a pregnant mama and her little girl who looked to be about 2.5 years old. She was pushing her own little cart and was enjoying her outing greatly. We were in the produce section together and the mother was talking with her and letting her know some of the fruit they needed at home. What the little girl could reach, she helped with and she knew exactly what she wanted in her cart. Her mother was so patient and allowed her a lot of freedom with her cart, which the little girl did well with.
We were standing in the deli together and little girl talked to the worker behind the counter and asked her for her favorite cheese-the worker gave her a slice to eat right away! The little girl asked a lot of questions and was fully engaged in what was happening.
I ran into them a few other times in the store and I loved observing her doing the 'grocery shopping work'. It inspired me so much that I decided to write about it.
In this age of getting things done quickly, let's not forget how important concrete experiences are for young children. Children ages 0-3 are taking in so much of their world through their senses, so allowing them to be part of life is helpful to their development. Children ages 3-6 are refining their senses, developing their language and communication skills at a rapid rate and LOVE being part of what the rest of the world is doing. Simple tasks such as going to the grocery store can be such a fun experience for little ones-if you're not used to shopping with your child(ren) choose a time that isn't crowded so you can set you and your child up for success, allowing for some extra time for their processing. Of course, there will be times when you can allow them to be more engaged than others, but keeping in mind opportunities when they can be more involved is a great way to expand their experiences and their connection with you as well.
Happy Shopping!
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Welcome Back!
We had a little girl start at Community Montessori School in September as a 2.9 year old. She also spoke Thai as her first language. She entered the classroom a bit timid, but it didn't take her long to become comfortable with all the processes and routines that are an important part of her day. Although she didn't speak much, it was clear she understood a lot and she was learning so much English just by being immersed with all the other children.
This little girl left the beginning of December to visit Thailand with her mother. She didn't return until the beginning of February so she was out of the classroom for 2 full months. Her first day back the children were so glad to see her! She came into the classroom confidently, but took a lot in that day by observing. The second day she was back, she fell right back into her beautiful work cycle-choosing work, completing work, returning work and moving onto to her next work choice. It was clear she remembered so much for her classroom experience even being away from it for 2 months.
Watching her re-acclimate so seamlessly and joyfully, made me realize yet another reason why the Montessori classroom is so amazing. She was able to re join the environment without missing a beat, without having to learn so many new things that she 'missed', without having to meet new students/teachers. Her brain and spirit which had gone through many beautiful processes and routines that are supporting her developmental, cognitive, and social growth were in process and ready to welcome her back for her to join as she wishes. What a gift! We have also seen a huge growth in her English speaking skills-she's now engaging more with children and understanding and answering questions which also shows that even though she spent time in Thailand speaking her native language, what she had learned prior and currently unfolded very soon after she returned.
This little girl left the beginning of December to visit Thailand with her mother. She didn't return until the beginning of February so she was out of the classroom for 2 full months. Her first day back the children were so glad to see her! She came into the classroom confidently, but took a lot in that day by observing. The second day she was back, she fell right back into her beautiful work cycle-choosing work, completing work, returning work and moving onto to her next work choice. It was clear she remembered so much for her classroom experience even being away from it for 2 months.
Watching her re-acclimate so seamlessly and joyfully, made me realize yet another reason why the Montessori classroom is so amazing. She was able to re join the environment without missing a beat, without having to learn so many new things that she 'missed', without having to meet new students/teachers. Her brain and spirit which had gone through many beautiful processes and routines that are supporting her developmental, cognitive, and social growth were in process and ready to welcome her back for her to join as she wishes. What a gift! We have also seen a huge growth in her English speaking skills-she's now engaging more with children and understanding and answering questions which also shows that even though she spent time in Thailand speaking her native language, what she had learned prior and currently unfolded very soon after she returned.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
The children never stop amazing us everyday!
Sometimes, I think our issue as adults can be that our expectations for what our kids can really do isn't high enough. We allow fear, worry and comparison to others to get in the way of believing the beauty and capabilities of children. I know it's true for me.
This week we had an incident on the playground with 3 Lower Elementary (1st-3rd) students. It happened as we were dismissing and as I was talking with the children, I realized emotions were very high and there were questions that didn't have answers at the moment. I asked the children if they would be ok if we re-visited what happened in the morning-there simply wasn't enough time for me to give it the attention and energy it needed. I asked them to go home, think about what happened and then we'll chat in the morning. I honestly wasn't sure what would happen-this isn't something I have done before (wait until the next day), but the circumstances just presented in a way that this seemed most appropriate.
I then emailed all 3 families letting them know we were aware of what happened (I knew for certain the kids would report this to their parents and I also knew my wonderful families would speak into the situation in a very healthy way). I told them we would all be talking in the morning.
Without going into the nitty, gritty details I'll tell you that there was some physical lashing out that happened along with hurt feelings and misinterpretation of the situation. We had 1 1st grader, 1 2nd grader and 1 3rd grader who were involved.
I can't necessarily prepare myself for these types of conflict resolution opportunities-what is brought to the conflict varies depending on many things, so I simply prayed and welcomed all that could be resolved and more importantly, what could help support their friendships moving forward. What I don't think adults/the world understands or appreciates is that children are working through hard things each day just as adults. Their emotions are no different b/c they are younger. So, what they encounter on a daily basis with their friends or problems is a big deal. At CMS, we pay attention and as much as we can, allow for time and space needed for processing.
We sat together for about 10 minutes and honestly, I mostly listened. It was beautiful. The grace they showed one another was something to marvel at-their ability to forgive and go right back to loving was amazing. They all 3 shared their emotions in the midst of things and were able to explain what they thought and why they did what they did. I was humbled to be part of such a wonderful exchange among friends. They held each other accountable, addressed what needed to be addressed and wiped the slate clean. We adults have so much to learn from kids. Challenge yourself to step back, listen, observe and take in the greatness of your child today. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable in something you may typically take control of or have a judgment about. Don't be afraid of what your child may do or say-it's likely to soften our heart.
Sometimes, I think our issue as adults can be that our expectations for what our kids can really do isn't high enough. We allow fear, worry and comparison to others to get in the way of believing the beauty and capabilities of children. I know it's true for me.
This week we had an incident on the playground with 3 Lower Elementary (1st-3rd) students. It happened as we were dismissing and as I was talking with the children, I realized emotions were very high and there were questions that didn't have answers at the moment. I asked the children if they would be ok if we re-visited what happened in the morning-there simply wasn't enough time for me to give it the attention and energy it needed. I asked them to go home, think about what happened and then we'll chat in the morning. I honestly wasn't sure what would happen-this isn't something I have done before (wait until the next day), but the circumstances just presented in a way that this seemed most appropriate.
I then emailed all 3 families letting them know we were aware of what happened (I knew for certain the kids would report this to their parents and I also knew my wonderful families would speak into the situation in a very healthy way). I told them we would all be talking in the morning.
Without going into the nitty, gritty details I'll tell you that there was some physical lashing out that happened along with hurt feelings and misinterpretation of the situation. We had 1 1st grader, 1 2nd grader and 1 3rd grader who were involved.
I can't necessarily prepare myself for these types of conflict resolution opportunities-what is brought to the conflict varies depending on many things, so I simply prayed and welcomed all that could be resolved and more importantly, what could help support their friendships moving forward. What I don't think adults/the world understands or appreciates is that children are working through hard things each day just as adults. Their emotions are no different b/c they are younger. So, what they encounter on a daily basis with their friends or problems is a big deal. At CMS, we pay attention and as much as we can, allow for time and space needed for processing.
We sat together for about 10 minutes and honestly, I mostly listened. It was beautiful. The grace they showed one another was something to marvel at-their ability to forgive and go right back to loving was amazing. They all 3 shared their emotions in the midst of things and were able to explain what they thought and why they did what they did. I was humbled to be part of such a wonderful exchange among friends. They held each other accountable, addressed what needed to be addressed and wiped the slate clean. We adults have so much to learn from kids. Challenge yourself to step back, listen, observe and take in the greatness of your child today. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable in something you may typically take control of or have a judgment about. Don't be afraid of what your child may do or say-it's likely to soften our heart.
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